As the title of this blog post suggests; my mojo is lost. I have been struggling over the last few weeks to keep up my level of fitness, to motivate myself to run and to keep to something that resembles structure in my day to day life.

When I was made redundant two months ago, I was full of energy. I was enjoying all the spare time; working through the list of things I had been meaning to do for months and most days I found myself working out twice. Packing in extra classes and lazy runs in the height of summer, I felt carefree and energetic.

Fast forward to the present day and it is a different story. My days are less structured, I have less energy than I did before and I know for a fact that I am not eating as I should. That doesn’t mean that I am pigging out, eating bad foods, just that I am skipping meals. Not intentionally, but I loose track of time and forget that breakfast has passed or its 4pm and I have not eaten lunch.

The daily stress of job hunting is not helping the situation either. The whole process takes its toll too – contributing to the lack of energy I am experiencing. I know this is only temporary and I will eventually get back on track, but in the meantime I am giving myself a hard time. Constantly questioning myself, my ability and this week telling myself I am going to fail before I have even tried – so running as not been an enjoyable experience. Usually exercise is my way of coping during adverse times, but lately this is not even working for me. And it is concerning, it is a vicious circle of wanting to get out there, getting out and not being able to push myself, then coming home – frustrated, angry and emotional.

With only two runs under my belt this week, I am doubting my ability to be able to run Bedford Half Marathon next week. Though I have still been running, the long runs have been non existent and I have not reached the training miles I would have liked to see. And each time I find myself unable to get out there I stress a little more. Saying “tomorrow,” but tomorrow comes and it is the same story.

So what do you do in this instance? Do you continue to drive forward and hope for the best on race day. Do you try and cram in miles and miles in the final days? Or do you simply sit back and take the rest in the hope that you will feel better on the day itself?

I know what my advice would be to someone thinking like me. But when you are not feeling your best, you are not your normal self – you cannot take your own advice. You continue to tell yourself you don’t have the ability, because at some of you lowest points you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is dark and you are alone.